Tears
by Iori-chan-sempai
Summary: Maya's PoV, SouKazu, spoilers. Her efforts were foolish from the start.


It makes me feel foolish to know that I had once thought I could become precious to you, Kazuki-kun... more precious to you than Minashirou-kun was. It was a mistake to even try in the first place. I was special to you already, of course. I was the one who treasured memories and sought to remember the person you were before the Festums came. But... I wanted more than that. I wanted to be more than a friend to you, more than a battle comrade... more than just someone to depend on. I wanted you to love me. And you did. However, that love was never anything more than what you felt for a family member. What you felt for Minashirou-kun was what I wanted.

I feel ashamed to realize that I had taken advantage of your situation in order to make my own dream real. I tried to get close to you when he was gone, thinking that it was finally my chance to shine and make you love me! But you never even looked my way after he had left. You talked to me, but your dull red eyes never saw me as I was, you were always looking past me. The treatment was working, my mother had said, but your eyesight could possibly remained damaged-- permanently. You never dwelt on the fact though, to my surprise. When I had asked you about, you just said it was a fair price to pay in order to save Minashirou-kun.

I asked you why you were so calm about his absence, remembering the time when Minashirou-kun had been taken from us and thought dead. The kind and gentle Kazuki I knew had vanished, replaced with one who wanted revenge, one who screamed his throat raw crying out for Minashirou-kun to be returned to him. One who had the intent of forgoing everyone on the island who needed him, so that he could leave on a mission which he definitely would not return from.

I... wonder how you would feel if it was me who had died. You would have cried, and felt sad, I'm sure. But... anything more than that? I don't think so... only Minashirou-kun was the one who could draw out such a reaction from you.

It was odd seeing you so serene over him gone, back when I was unaware of the fact that it had you crying your heart out every morning until I saw it with my own eyes. You merely said it was because you knew he'd come back. Before I could utter a word about how promises could broken, you shook your head. I remember your words very clearly, Kazuki-kun. "_Soushi... he said that he'd return to me, Toomi, as long as I believe. You see, if I didn't believe it with all my heart... then Soushi wouldn't come back for sure._" You promptly excused yourself then, but it was only after you had gone that I realized how close you had been to crying.

A month after that, you stopped smiling. I doubt that you noticed it yourself. Occasionally, you would manage a smile, but even then... it would be fake. You spent more hours in Alvis, sitting by Sakura whenever Kenji had work to do. You once told me that you wished you had known Shouko and Kouyou more, so I wondered if it was an attempt to learn more about the people you'd never really gotten close to.

There is another day I remember very well, the day where the assimilation phenomenon in your body relapsed. You were in a coma for two weeks, and everyone had just about given up hope on you recovering. I was sitting by your bedside at the time, you remember. Your eyes twitched just barely, you murmured his name and just suddenly opened your eyes, as if waking up from a nap and not a 14-day long coma. You repeated his name, a little louder, as I swallowed the lump of disappointment in my throat. Of course, it was Minashirou-kun on your mind. You had never stopped thinking about him since the day when he got he scar. Later on, you told me about it. Saying, "_It was like a long dream. In the middle of it, I thought, 'surely, this is paradise.' But only then did I remember... Soushi is my paradise._"

I feel horrible for this envy that consumes me. Just the way you talk about him... the way that you only think about him. It was never him who came to save you. He was never there for you, and yet you say you understand it and that it's fine because it's Soushi!

It's on my way home tonight that I see it. Him. Minashirou-kun. Soushi, clearly changed with the times and looking older and more beautiful than before. He walks almost unsteadily, up the familiar path to the shrine where both he and I know you are. I'm too stunned to say a word. He had come back. He was here. Minashirou-kun had finally returned after more than a year. Against all odds, he had returned to you, Kazuki-kun. I follow him silently and if he notices my presence he doesn't bother to mention it.

You're there, idly staring off towards the sky, wondering if it would snow tonight or not. As if Minashirou-kun had said something, you turn to look at him. "Soushi," you say, not sounding surprised at all, recognizing him in an instant even with your skewed sight. He walks forward, you stand to meet him, I hide behind a pillar.

"Kazuki," Minashirou-kun says, voice deeper than I remember, "I'm back."

"Yeah," you step closer to him, coming in touching distance, "I know." Your voice is soft, but filled with more joy than I'd ever heard.

I ignore how much my heart stings at how you move in to kiss him, and how he doesn't resist, and how it seems so natural, even though I know for a fact that it's your first time doing such a thing with anyone. After a moment that seems like an eternity, you both separate. You give him a smile-- your first real smile in over ten months-- and he embraces you tightly.

"Soushi," you begin, eyes looking at him so adoringly, love and happiness battling for dominance in their depths. I know what comes next. I _know _ what comes next. The words I wish you'd utter to me, but were never meant for anyone but Minashirou-kun. "I love you." But the knowledge still doesn't prevent my heart from shattering. I can feel hot tears run down my cheeks as I hug myself. I knew the truth, but it hurts so much to hear you say it to him.

"Yeah," I hear Minashirou-kun's voice as I lean my back against the pillar, determined not to see anymore of it. "I know." he finishes, voice not just full of relief, but also full of a deep affection.

I slide down to the ground bonelessly, hands over my mouth to muffle my escaping sobs. Such a foolish, foolish thing to even imagine. You live and breathe him, don't you, Kazuki-kun? How could I ever compete with something like that..?


End file.
